Triggers and the 4th Step (Al-Anon)

I get triggered by political sexual scandals.  All these guys recently, John Edwards, John Ensign, Mark Sanford.  I wanted to read every gory detail, every word their wives said about them.  I think I'm pretty much done with that now, which is great.  I don't obsess about them.  They do frighten me, however.

I start my 4th Step on Thursday, and I'm really looking forward to it.  In our community, we do the Steps in a really rigorous way, following the Big Book of AA.  We have to write out a sheet on our Sexual Ideal, like a blueprint for our ideal partner, along with all of the other guck-cleaning parts of Step 4.  My Sponsor said that she has seen people who were basically hopeless, work very rigorous programs, and begin to flower after a time, and to start relationships from a point of health.  She started sharing example after example, and I just broke down crying.  She asked me why I was crying, and I said that I had just given up all hope of finding a trustworthy man and ever having a relationship again, and the idea that there could be hope was just downright overwhelming to me.