COSA

I've started writing here again after coming across some blogs of sex addicts (http://mysexdrug.blogspot.com) and the spouses of sex addicts (http://womananonymous7.blogspot.com/).  These blogs have been immensely helpful to me just sort out my mind and to feel less alone in the past few days, so I'm jumping into this community too.

I started attending COSA meetings about three weeks ago, and my next one is tomorrow night.  My friend C. and I went to the beach the other day, and she told me about her last ex...who was addicted to pornography.  She and I met in Al-Anon, and I adore her.  She has wonderful calm healing energy, and has great recovery in Al-Anon.  She said she'd thought about COSA before, but knew that the AA and Al-Anon programs around here were really good, and she wanted to focus on programs that had really good recovery.  The Al-Anon community here is healthier and more energized than where I used to live, but COSA provides me with something Al-Anon doesn't -- people who share my story.  So C. said she'd like to go with me.  She said she didn't think the COSA meetings were well-attended.  I said most of the women in my meeting were still partnered, and that when couples broke up the women generally stopped going.  I've been getting hit on by married men and men with girlfriends for the past 10 years, and I hate it.  I hate having to ask around, I hate having to check for a wedding ring, or the impression a wedding ring leaves when someone isn't wearing, I hate asking if a guy is married if he hasn't mentioned it, and finding out that he is.  I hate when a guy implies that he has an open relationship, because there's no way to verify that without asking his wife.  I want to know what is in me, what tools am I lacking, that I do not see a sex addict coming?  How do I protect myself?  The X came on with such intensity and sweetness and persistence.  Now I know that sex addicts are masters of manipulation.