Two monks were walking down the street after a heavy rain that left the streets quite muddy. They came upon a a lady of very easy virtue vainly attempting to find a dry path across the road without soiling her kimono.
One monk, more compassionate than the other, picked up the woman and carried her across the street, setting her down on the other side of the road. He returned to his companion and they continued down the road for some minutes until the second monk chided the first with the remark, “You really shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what?”
“Why, you contaminated yourself by touching that impure woman.”
“Oh, are you still carrying her? I put her down on the other side of the street.”
http://www.slaact.com/tools-for-recovery/the-three-or-five-second-rule-and-letting-it-go/
I think that's something we do, as codependents of sex addicts. We carry those other people around with us ALL THE TIME! I've obviously been carrying around that guy who made a pass at The Ex for probably a year. What's interesting about this is, it's a rule for addicts -- if you see a person or something that triggers you, look at that person or thing for three-seconds...and then let it go. Don't look back, don't obsess over it...
(Wow, now that I think about it...besides R., the last few guys I've dated have been the kind to fixate on a woman...A. would see a woman on campus and stare at her and try to devise some way to meet her. T (the Ex) fixated on M. (his ex-fiancee) at a party and pursued her for years before she finally gave in. T fixated on me when I was visiting R. on set one day. When I went to see R. at the wrap party for that show, T. came up and talked to me (which I barely remember, as I was three sheets to the wind on free apple martinis), and apparently followed me around all night, unbeknownst to me. I was paying attention to my friends...and to R.)
My friend E. calls this behavior "eye-fucking." Staring fixatedly at a person. Our friend TW, who is a playa, is really good at this. So is E., now that I think about it. And both E. and T.W. are hypersexual. T.W. always had a string of girls, but he was pretty open about not wanting a relationship and that he just wanted to play the field. E. is also a pretty sexual person, and propositioned me and a male friend, D. with a threesome when we were in college. I backed out red-faced and they went home together. E. always seemed to try to make me uncomfortable with some sexual comment. This is a female by the way. If we were hanging out and went to a party, I remember somebody saying, "Where have you guys been?" and she'd say, "Oh, me and Ruby just had CRAAAAZY sex, are you jealous?" Which was like, uhhhh...my other friends don't talk that way...
I've been distancing myself from hypersexual people in my life that make me feel weird like that. One of my best friends, C. is very sexual. At first I thought she was really funny and just in charge of her sexuality, and I thought that was pretty respectable. She seemed very responsible. Then she started doing a lot of stuff that looked like acting out, like trying to make going out on a date with someone other than her live-in boyfriend okay in her mind, saying inappropriate things at a reading like if people found her writing boring they could always look at her cleavage, sleeping with a co-worker that she knew was engaged, and the last, the kicker...being on the beach in Hawaii with one of the 3-5 guys she was sleeping with at the time, having him say, "I love you" to her, and her saying, "I love you too", and then flying out to see her next fuck buddy for a week. I asked her how she could do that. She said, "It was so romantic! We were on the beach! The sun was going down!" And I said, "But you don't love him." And she said, "I know! What do I do?" Now I don't trust her. I don't trust that she never tried to sleep with The Ex, or that he didn't try to sleep with her. I'm sure both of them would arrange it in their minds that they weren't really doing anything that would hurt me. I love her, she's awesome, she's got that wicked charm and charisma that addicts do, but I don't trust her anymore.
I'm choosing to be around people who are devoted to their spiritual growth. Otherwise I get sucked in, and inappropriate behavior gets normalized in my head, and then I go down the rabbit hole...
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