The Patterns We Learn As Children.

I've been looking at this person that I drew into my life, and have been trying to figure out how to trust men.  Well, I can't trust men, but I can trust my HP in regards to them.  And my HP gave me all sorts of bells and alarms to say, "Not this guy," and I didn't even notice them.  So now I'm learning to trust my intuition.

I've read a lot that we continually draw the same kind of person because they have a lesson for us, and until we learn that lesson, we'll keep getting that same kind of person.  I've also heard that we choose men modeled on our fathers.  If anything, when I met my ex, I thought he was the exact opposite of my father, and I thought I had done a pretty good job...now, not so sure.  I never, ever thought my father cheated on my mother.  Ever.  So I couldn't understand where I would have learned this pattern.  Then I realized my mother's first bf after her divorce from my father cheated on her.  Then her 2nd husband was addicted to porn.  Then, as I was driving down the highway today, I had a memory flash in my mind that I had never paid attention to.

I remember being a little girl of 11 or 12 and being the only one home.  So, I snooped.  (Careful, parents!)  I remember climbing into my parents closet, and finding a box with random papers in it.  (Financial?)  Then there were a few pictures of children I had never seen, and condoms.  I remembered wondering if my dad had an affair.  Then I thought I was just silly, and my mom probably didn't want to be on birth control.

The flash of thought I had was:  my mom had her tubes tied after my little brother was born, nine years before I found that box.

Therefore, my parents didn't need condoms.

Therefore, someone was having an affair.

I have heard that my father constantly accused my mother of having affairs.  I know from anecdotal evidence, and from my own experience, that those with disloyalty on the brain often see it where none is found.

I've always been a sucker for sensitive artist types.  I usually find out after I've fallen for them that they have a girlfriend, a wife, or a fiancee.

The patterns we learn.

How to unlearn them?